those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so let's talk penis.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
