I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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