My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?