its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
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He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
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Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.