I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
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at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
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Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.