fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains