tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time