i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.