You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
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I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
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If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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