Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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