boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize