Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
