When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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