my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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