She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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