Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
