i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
