Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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