Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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