I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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