i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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