I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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