it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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