better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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