Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
