I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
