sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i think i have two assholes
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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