i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
