I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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