Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i drank out of a bidet.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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