if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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