He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
