Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
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he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
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Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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