hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
