Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
