I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He felt like a one man threesome
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
