Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
