one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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