Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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