Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
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i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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