Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
