just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
