like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
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Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
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Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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