worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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