I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
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We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
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I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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