i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
