Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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