Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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