So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
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This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
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If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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