i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
