Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
