Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
