I wish I could punch you in the face.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We had sex on a dog bed..
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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