i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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