I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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