I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
