Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
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The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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