I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
