I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
