he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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