pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
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