Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
