Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
