hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
