I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
