I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!