I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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